How to manage someone who doesn’t respect your authority?

If someone doesn’t respect your authority, first understand why the person is behaving that way, then address the issue with wisdom, clear communication, and consistency. Don’t focus on forcing respect, focus on building trust, setting boundaries, and dealing with deliberate disrespect.

This is something a lot of leaders deal with, especially in ministry. You can be appointed to lead a department, and the people you are leading may not necessarily respect your leadership. And sometimes, the person may even be older than you, more experienced than you, or somebody who has been in that department long before you came.

So, the first thing you have to do is understand why the person doesn’t respect your authority.

Is it because of your age? Is it because the person feels he should have been the one appointed? Is it because of something you did in the past? Or maybe the person doesn’t really understand your role as the leader.

You have to find out what is happening. Because if you don’t understand the problem, you may end up fighting the person when there is actually something you need to address.

And as a leader, you also have to check yourself. Are you leading well? Are you treating people properly? Are you making decisions without listening to anybody? Sometimes, we are quick to say people don’t respect our authority, but we don’t want to look at how we are leading them. You can’t solve a problem that you’re part of if you’re not willing to acknowledge your own part in it.

But let’s say you have done your best, you’ve tried to relate with the person, you’ve listened, and the person still deliberately undermines your leadership. What do you do?

You have to address it.

Don’t keep quiet about everything because you want to appear humble or because you don’t want the person to be offended. Humility doesn’t mean you should allow people to do anyhow under your leadership.

Call the person and have a conversation. Let him understand what you have observed and how it is affecting the work. You don’t have to embarrass him in front of everybody, and you don’t have to turn it into a fight. But you need to be clear about the expectations of the role and the boundaries that come with it.

And please, don’t become desperate to prove that you are the leader. Some people, when they notice that someone is not respecting their authority, will start shouting, giving unnecessary instructions, or reminding everybody, “I am the leader here.”

You don’t have to do that every time.

Your appointment gives you responsibility, but how you carry that responsibility matters too. Be consistent. Be fair. Keep your word. Don’t use your position to intimidate people, and don’t allow the fear of losing people’s approval to stop you from making the decisions you need to make.

And if the person continues to undermine your leadership after you’ve had the conversation, then you may need to review the person’s responsibilities or involve the appropriate leadership authority, depending on the structure of the ministry.

Because at the end of the day, you are not just trying to make somebody respect you personally. You are trying to make sure the work of the ministry is not affected by somebody’s refusal to work within the leadership structure.

So, don’t just focus on the disrespect. Find out what is causing it. Check yourself. Address the issue. Set clear boundaries, and be consistent in how you lead.

You don’t have to force everybody to like you, and you don’t have to fight everybody who disagrees with you. But you do have to learn how to lead people, even when leading them is not convenient.